Dec 11, 202211 min read

PLUTO'S REPRISAL LORE

The object known as Pluto was discovered on February 18, 1930 at the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, by astronomer Clyde W. Tombaugh, with contributions from William H. Pickering

It was after this that Pluto became close friends with the other 8 planets of our solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. During this time of association, Pluto learned about the declassification of objects during the mid 1800’s (Earth date) - objects we now know as asteroids. This has always saddened Pluto, but his outgoing personality led the other planets to regularly associate with these asteroids.

In addition to the asteroids, Pluto regularly associated with what the scientific community refers to as “Centaurs”. These were small objects that exhibited characteristics of both asteroids and comets. The most well known examples of these types of objects would be Chariklo and Chiron. These objects, too, were able to regularly associate with the planets due to the influential nature that Pluto had with the planets. He was, after all, the “ninth planet”.

(Pluto stares down the challenge)

THE DEMOTION

In July 2005, Pluto would introduce distant relatives to the planets, particularly to the planet Earth. These distant relatives were objects such as Eris and her moon, Dysnomia. However, though the original introduction of Earth to Eris and her moon went great, something happened that caused an implosion within the planetary community.

In August of 2006, just over a year after Pluto introduced Eris to planet Earth, the scientific community (which largely influences the Earth’s interstellar discretion) suddenly relegated Pluto’s status from planet to “minor planet” - or rather, dwarf planet. Along with Pluto’s reclassification, all objects within the Kuiper belt and asteroid belt were reclassified as dwarf planets. This was a huge bombshell to the once close planetary community. Over time, despite the planet's best efforts to comfort Pluto and the others, the planets now known as the “Elite 8” would eventually cease communication with Pluto and the others.

This caused a large rift between all others (now dwarf planets) and Pluto. A large part of the blame was placed on Eris due to the reclassification happening just an Earth year later after her introduction to Earth. Unbeknownst to Pluto and the entire reclassified object community, this was all done purposefully by the IAU - the International Astronomical Union. However, despite the dissension, Pluto and Eris remained very close and regularly hung out whenever their orbits came close to each other.

Over the years, Pluto went about many ways of trying to regain his planet status. Some of his misguided attempts were made fun of through propaganda such as children’s games on Earth. While the games had a lot of truth to Pluto’s attempts, they were mostly seen as a way to feel better about Pluto. Once the gamers played the game and felt like they vindicated Pluto within the game, these would eventually be the only attempts to reclassify Pluto as a planet once again. Mostly, Pluto would be forgotten once the games lost their novelty.

All wasn’t lost, though, as the games had some effect on a few within the scientific community. These few would regularly lead panels to challenge the IAU’s criteria on what defines a planet. However, with the IAU being as powerful and influential as it is, these attempts to reclassify a planet would always become inconclusive. A ploy by the IAU, no doubt, led by lead scientist Dr. Oid.

DR. OID, THE IAU, AND PLUTO'S DECISION

Under the leadership of Dr. Oid, the scientific community made huge strides in science, including but not limited to, a large Hadron Collider. Not much is known about Dr. Oid’s personal life, but his professional accomplishments are world renowned. These accomplishments, which seemingly came out of nowhere, would have their inception after long stints of absences of Dr. Oid. Oddly enough, ever since Dr. Oid took over leadership of the IAU, strange reports and theories have been widely circulated throughout the globe over the years. These reports would include things such as theoretical planets and mysterious satellites which orbit Earth. However, none of these have been proven by the scientific community. It is entirely possible that Dr. Oid influences these findings.

These reports and theories would mostly remain unproven mysteries until, as fate would have it, Pluto re-entered the solar system after a long stint within the Kuiper belt. Some would say that it’s Pluto’s normal elliptical orbit, but there’s no telling what one such as Pluto is capable of. Upon his arrival into the solar system, Pluto is concerned to find that strange audible commotions seemed everywhere within the solar system. His faithful relative Eris is first to greet him, but she doesn’t know what the noise is all about. Since she, just like Pluto, went away after the planets stopped talking to them. Curious, but initially fearful that huge arguments over planet statuses have overtaken the solar system, they ventured closer - but not too close.

Not willing to be shunned by any within the “Elite 8”, Pluto and Eris happened upon their old friend Ceres. Ceres, being more mature than the other objects in the asteroid belt, is the only other reclassified object that remained cordial with Pluto and Eris. It was this chance meeting that Ceres revealed to Pluto and Eris, that rap battles have overtaken the solar system and beating the top rappers would also bring a lot of clout - a LOT of clout!

This intrigued Pluto, but after the humiliation of being reclassified and shunned by all other celestial objects, he began to dismiss any notions of participating. After having long conversations with Eris, the two almost part ways as they neared the Kuiper belt once again. It was at this point, something came over Pluto. Was it something that Eris said? Was it the fact that he now stared at the vastness of the Kuiper Belt that lay before the two of them? Whatever it was, Pluto (and the solar system) would never be the same.

Pluto turns around and begins challenging the once familiar planets beginning with Neptune and Uranus. Handily beating them, something within strengthens him, and one by one the planets fall dumbfounded before his slick lyrics as he ventures towards Earth with Eris by his side. What has Pluto been doing in the Kuiper belt anyway? After shutting down the Earth and everything between, he is sure the newfound clout would reinstate his planet status. To be sure, though, he continues on and embarrasses the 2 planets closest to the Sun.

It wasn’t until Pluto rap battled with the Sun that he learned that the IAU was the key to him being reclassified as a planet once again. After surprising the Sun and leaving the Sun speechless, Pluto returns to Earth to implore the IAU to return his planet status. Instead, Pluto is met by a huge, mysterious satellite under the control of the IAU. In his rap battle with the IAU, run by the infamous Dr. Oid, Pluto begins to feel that his planet demotion was something personal, maybe even sinister.

LEAVING EARTH

Pluto’s feelings prove him correct after he burns the IAU in a rap battle and an embattled Dr. Oid reveals his true identity to face Pluto directly. Dr. Oid is no human, he is an android with breathtaking abilities and now assumes affiliation with the UAI. Unfortunately for Dr. Oid, this embittered personal battle with Pluto caused him to reveal himself to some of Earth’s inhabitants. As he explodes in rap anger, his human covering partially tears away revealing the android structure underneath. Unaware of his loss of control, some of Earth’s inhabitants witness strange lights above the Earth’s atmosphere.

After an epic rap battle, Dr. Oid in all his autonomous might falls to Pluto’s innate rapping abilities. Severely weakened by the battle, he concedes to Pluto and asks for a month to convince the scientific community to reinstate Pluto’s planet status again. Thrilled, Pluto returns to his orbit to wait for word from Dr. Oid. On the way to his orbit, Pluto is greeted by each of the Elite 8 and it is almost nostalgic. One by one, the planets give Pluto props and congratulate him. However, oddly enough, each moon gives Pluto dirty looks which confuses him. Undeterred, Pluto revels in his accomplishments and continues towards his orbit after sharing some camaraderie with his former friends, the planets.

Unfortunately, unknown to Pluto, Dr. Oid has to flee Earth due to his Android nature being revealed to some within the IAU during his rap battle with Pluto. He may be an Android, but Earth has its own mighty warriors, AumSum being one of them.

Dr. Oid sneaks aboard one of Space X’s capsules, assumes manual control over it and navigates it toward the “satellite” that battled with Pluto. Is this the mysterious spacecraft that some of Earth’s inhabitants have created tales about - ambiguously existing above Earth’s atmosphere for centuries? Regardless, Dr. Oid uses this huge satellite to stop at each moon in the solar system beginning with Luna. He has devised a plan to compel the moons of each beaten planet to rap battle with Pluto. After determining which moons have the best chance against Pluto, Dr. Oid sends word to Pluto through Neptune's moons. As he waits for Pluto to return to Neptune, Dr. Oid sends out a powerful signal from the Satellite. What is the purpose of this signal? More interestingly, what is this spacecraft capable of?

THE MOON HACK

After some time of waiting, as Dr. Oid detects Pluto approaching, he activates a cloaking device to mask the entire satellite. Dr. Oid is strangely hopeful that the moons will shut Pluto down and send him packing. Undetected, he silently monitors each rap battle with the moons as Pluto handily beats even multiple opponents, all while transmitting the battle recordings to an unknown source. Unbeknownst to Dr. Oid, Pluto has brought help to rap battle the moons. This infuriates Dr. Oid and he feels Pluto is cheating and devises a way to cheat as well. Little does Dr. Oid know, Pluto didn’t bring help. Instead, Pluto brought his closest relatives thinking that he was about to receive his planet status back and he wanted them for support. Now Pluto gets a different type of support.

Once Dr. Oid sees that Jupiter’s moons were handily embarrassed, he bypasses Mars’ moons confident that such little moons stood no chance against Pluto. He instead heads back towards Earth and engages Luna in a proposal. Dr. Oid tells Luna that Pluto is too skilled for the moons and convinces Luna to put on special headphones that would allow Luna to hear new lyrics if he begins to lose. Luna agrees but doesn’t know that he is now able to be controlled by Dr. Oid through binaural beats. With Dr. Oid’s incredible binary rapping skills combined with the power of a celestial object, there’s no way he could lose to Pluto this time.

Unfortunately, for Dr. Oid, he quickly forgot about Pluto’s help. Despite his valiant effort and his cheating, Pluto and his troop proved too much for Luna despite being a nexus for Dr. Oid. Defeated once again and even more furious at Pluto, he jettisons toward the asteroid belt while Pluto helps Luna recover from being under Dr. Oid’s control

SECRETS REVEALED

After Charon tells Pluto that Dr. Oid headed toward the asteroid belt, Pluto makes sure Luna is okay before giving pursuit. It takes a bit for Pluto to find Dr. Oid as the speed of his spacecraft is incredible. Due to a small clustering of asteroids, Pluto is able to find Dr. Oid and engages him in debate. Pluto pleads with him to stop this game of hide and seek. However, the depravity of Dr. Oid has become so intense that his anger toward Pluto has ensured that Pluto will never regain his status as long as Dr. Oid has a say.

In his intense anger, Dr. Oid almost reveals to Pluto that Pluto’s orbit is in an area that Dr. Oid has gathered some exoplanets. With Pluto’s original influence as the 9th planet, Dr. Oid couldn’t risk Pluto letting the other planets know about the gathering of exoplanets. There would be too many questions from the Elite 8 and Dr. Oid’s sinister plan must be executed with surprise and aggressive action. This is why Dr. Oid demoted Pluto and Eris in 2006 because, she too, shared a similar orbit like Pluto. All other smaller objects were considered collateral damage and used as a cover up for Pluto’s demotion. However, Dr. Oid knew that Pluto’s influence with the planets was dangerous. He also knew the planets would eventually shun Pluto and the others after their demotions.

Instead of accidentally revealing all of this to Pluto, Dr. Oid calms himself and uses a small asteroid to engage Pluto in a rap battle. Dr. Oid is starting to understand that Pluto can’t resist a rap battle. He is now beginning to see what Pluto does the entire time he is at his furthest from the Sun. Pluto perfects his rapping skills.

After taking control of a poor useless asteroid and using it to distract Pluto, Dr. Oid slips away to gather more asteroids and even dwarf planets to rap battle Pluto. He promises them that he will grant the one who silences Pluto the coveted ninth planet status. Unfortunately, little do any of the objects within the solar system know that some of Earth’s inhabitants have rejected Dr. Oid. He is no longer welcomed in the scientific community and no longer has influence on planet statuses. Additionally, human technology is still too archaic to let planet Earth know that Dr. Oid has deceived everyone. However, Earth just isn’t happy with what Dr. Oid did to Luna and neither is Luna. Dr. Oid knows his time is short to complete the final part of his plan. He just needs a little more time for his spacecraft to fully power up.

As Luna continues to recover from the mind control, he follows Pluto and watches as he raps against an insurmountable amount of opponents. He feels that Pluto may have a hard time using his insane rapping skills against his former friends. However, just watching Pluto’s rapping perfection flow so effortlessly, it strengthens and motivates Luna. As Luna glances away for a moment to look behind him, he sees all the planets gathering to watch Pluto. Encouraged by the sight of the planets and listening to Pluto’s bops, Luna jumps in to help Pluto at a moment when mysterious objects show up to challenge him.

DESPERATION

The powerful signal that Dr. Oid sent out from Neptune was a beacon calling comets to specific interstellar coordinates. Other than Jupiter, no celestial object has ever been this close to a comet and seeing them up close and gathered together instills great concern. Comets are mysterious to the objects of the solar system because comets move so fast and they usually remain far from any orbits. They are mysterious nomads who venture on their own, never engaging in conversation with others. They go where they please and do what they want.

As if the comets preparing for an epic rap battle with Pluto wasn’t enough, mysterious exoplanets begin to watch the rap battles. What does this mean? Why do these simple rap battles seem to suddenly appear as if something is hanging in the balance? Do these mysterious planets know more than the actual planets know?

As Pluto and Luna rap battle the comets, it is immediately evident that these nomads are on a whole different level. When the comets suddenly power up, Pluto and Luna are taken by surprise. Their beats are sick and their vocals are angelic. These solitary nomads seem perfectly in sync with each other. Seeing the comets without the tell-tale red headphones as help, Pluto becomes desperate and realizes that an energy from his heart is beginning to flow. Suddenly, as if to channel all focus into one point, Pluto elevates to a whole new level of rapping ability. This motivates Luna and as he goes off, the duo is eventually able to shut down the power of these mysterious nomads in one fell swoop. The comets are stunned, but give props to Pluto and Luna.

Dr. Oid is completely speechless from watching this unfold. He realizes that Pluto is just on a level of his own. Dr. Oid’s plan must now push forward at an unprecedented rate. Suddenly, an epiphany hits Dr. Oid about using Pluto’s newfound rapping power to accomplish his sinister plan. He removes the cloaking device, reveals himself to Pluto and dares Pluto to follow him if he can. As he blazes off into the Kuiper Belt in his giant spacecraft, Dr. Oid yells, “You will help the UAI Pluto!!!”